I can't believe my life has continued on for an entire year without you in it. Even a year later, my head knows you're gone but I'm not sure my heart has fully accepted it. So much has happened that I wish you had been here for.
In the days and weeks after you died, the brothers and I managed to go through your entire house, shop, and garages, keeping what had sentimental or practical value to each of us. Honestly, a lot of my stuff still sits in a box I can't seem to finish going through. Maybe some day. We sold and gave away what was left, including your business and it still makes me do a double take when I see someone else driving your business truck around town. That whole process scared and overwhelmed me so much and I hope the outcome wouls have made you proud.
Bryan and I are getting along and I finally feel like I have the brother relationship I've wanted for so long. He's been such a help, even from a distance, and I think the only thing that hurts my heart more than missing you, is knowing how much he misses you.
Leah Kay Angela Phillips was born just a couple weeks after you died and, Boomer, she would have you wrapped so tightly around that little finger of hers! She reminds me so much of Nora - always smiling and doesn't seem phased by too much. Speaking of Nora, she and Lizzie learned to ride their bikes without training wheels this summer! Nora was the epitome of 'getting back on the horse' and had it mastered in minutes. Lizzie was a little more cautious but once she peddled those first few feet on her own, she was off! Michael ran his first 4th of July mile and Éowyn now takes violin lessons and played in her first recital within a couple months of starting. I wish you could be here to see all these moments in their lives too.
School was my healing place this year, Boomer, and I felt so surrounded by love and care all year long. One morning after canceling your cable account, I was crying in a conference room and outside I could hear a coworker 'playing' an accordian she had gotten at the Dubois rummage sale and I smiled, knowing you would have found it just as funny as I did. There are some coworkers who have lost their dads too and, while it's a club I never wanted to join, I have drawn such strength from their wisdom and the ways they have coped and remembered their dads.
I bought a new-to-me car, Lady Kluck, and a thousand times, I've wanted to call and ask your opinions or get your help. I'm so thankful for the husband of one of our school secretaries who vetted every vehicle I was interested in or considered buying. Then Tyler Jordan went with me to test drive Lady Kluck and he made sure to take a good look under the hood and underneath as I turned the steering wheel this way and that. So many have stepped up to look after your girl!
The holidays came and went. I stayed home on Thanksgiving, I couldn't stomach the thought of eating turkey, gravy, and mashed potatoes with stuffing and a roll. Our simple Thanksgiving meals were always my favorite. Christmas was a little busier because Brenda moved into the basement a few days before and was there to celebrate with Rachel, Preston, and the kids. I sure missed our annual Christmas Eve dinner and last-minute shopping trip.
Lilly was accepted to NAU and graduated this spring! My little Jelly Bean, all grown up! Ryan turned 15 and got his driver's permit so I'll be spending a lot more time safely indoors for awhile. I was RIFed from my job at Aspen but thankfully, the school board finally saw the importance and need for a building sub and I got the job. I loved it so much when Aspen was still a Kinder building, I hope I love it as much this year!
This last week, I moved into a new place. Rachel bought Brenda's house and so I moved into Rachel's house in town. You've been a part of almost every other move I've ever made and I sure have missed you and not just your bulging biceps when I needed some muscle! You would have helped me figure out storage solutions and furniture layouts and then you would have taken me to Walmart and said, "What do you need?" When I got an over the toilet organizer, you would have either taken it home with you and put it together or laughed when I called you and said I couldn't figure it out. "I'll look at it the next time I come down," you would have said and you would have finished in 5 minutes what I struggled with for over 30.
School starts this week and I wish you were here to take a road trip to Casper with me. We would have had lunch at Red Lobster and then to Home Depot. I'd bring a book and want to sit on the grass outside and read but you would say, "I just like it better when you come in." Being your calming goat for shopping trips will always make me laugh.
I miss you so much Boomer. I miss the every day things we did together, just running errands or going to lunch at Trailhead and the racing to see who could get to Walmart first. I miss asking if you meant to put certain items in the cart and then laughing when you would pull it put and realize it was the wrong brand/flavor/size and put it back on the shelf.
Thank you for loving me in the way that only you could. I miss feeling safe and protected when you were around. Our relationship was petty special and I hate that I took so much of it for granted. I love you, Boomer, and I'll miss you forever.
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