- the friend that made phone calls to literally hunt me down right after he died and showed up at a friend's house just to be with me
- the many, many texts and phone calls of love, prayers and support that blew up my phone for days to come
- the friend who texted me one evening, 'Put your bra on, I'm coming over!' to catch me up on all the tea from her first couple of days back at our school
- the friend that spent a morning sorting my dad's paperwork while I was at school so I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed by it all
- the hugs and conversations from coworkers in the first days back as they shared their own stories of losing their dad. It's an awful club to be a part of but man, are there some amazing strong and courageous members
- the friend who passed me in the hall first thing in the morning when I was sobbing and, not knowing what to do, went and got another teacher to come and try to help me
- the friends that let me sit at their table and cry into my lunch the day we sold my dad's business stuff
- the coworker that let me sit in her office and cry without trying to fill the silence with pat answers or words and just continued her own work silently until I could talk
- the unexpected gifts I would find on my desk in the mornings
- the friend who's office I often sat in without her even knowing when I just needed to cry alone
- my older brother (with whom I've always had a rocky relationship) and sister-in-law driving up from AZ and started going through and sorting things at my dad's house/shop when even the thought of doing so completely overwhelmed me
- all the coffee cards! When someone I love is hurting, my first instinct is to get them a coffee or some kind of drink or snack. That came back ten-fold and then some, I didn't have to pay for coffee for weeks!
- about a month after he died, when I thought I could go back to sitting in my usual front row seat at church, I ended up crying, and a friend came and sat beside me and hugged me for a minute and said, "I just wanted you to know you're not alone.'
- the friend who let me sit or lay on the floor in the sunshine behind her desk without asking questions
- the coworker who would ask almost every morning how I was doing and accepted my thumbs up thumbs down when I couldn't speak
- the friend that encouraged me over and over to pursue counseling and was so proud and supportive when I finally did
- the coworker who walked beside me in the hall one morning and asked how I was doing. When I answered, "Fine," he asked, "Okay, but how are you really?" and offered words of faith and encouragement that have stuck with me all these months later
But, and here's where I've struggled with this blog, as amazing as all of those experiences have been, there have also been less than stellar incidents and silence from others. I know I should focus on the positive and be thankful but is it real life if I don't acknowledge the negatives too? Because as loving as the supportive gestures have been, the hurt from the others is just as real.
- the friends that I supported and encouraged through the deaths of their own loved ones that were, for the most part, radio silent
- the sisters-in-Christ who, after I poured out my struggles, replied with trite 'Christianese' answers that only deepened my hurt
- my step-dad died suddenly while I was in college and I went to be with my mom as soon as I was able even though we hadn't talked for months. She didn't even offer to come be with me, just sent a FB message of condolence
- friends who I encouraged in dark and hard places in their own faith walks have been deafeningly silent
All these experiences, good and bad, have taught me so much about how to reach out and encourage others when they are walking through their own hard times. They have helped me see mistakes I've made in the past when trying to help others and make me want to be a better, more kind and loving person going forward.
